Spending your mental energy angsting about every non-reply you get is a waste of your time.It won’t help you get any more responses; all that will happen is that you’ll get more and more depressed before possibly giving up on online dating altogether.
– and sometimes it’s something that you can’t control like reminding them of an ex-boyfriend or using a phrase they hate with the passion of a thousand suns. Put your focus where it should be: on the people who interested in you.
Almost every online dating site out there has some form of a low-stakes “hey, so and so wants you to talk to them” notification – often given a cutsey name like “wink” or “flirt” or “send a flower” to make it seem more acceptable. Most dating sites let you set up a profile for free but require that you pay money in order to be able to message people.
Some, back in the early days of online dating (lo those dark days of the late 90s and early 00s), were evil and would sell a limited number of messages; if you sent out a message and didn’t hear back, well, tough shit Charlie, you just blew a buck (or whatever the per-unit cost was). were intended as a way of trying to get someone to message so that you could chat without wasting your hard-earned money.
To abuse the metaphor further, you want to be tossing as much out there as you can and seeing what floats to the top. Some people are just going to disappear off the face of the earth with no warning.
It’s one thing when you’re meeting women in person – unless you’re a graduate of the Lando Calrissian Player School, then you’re only going to be flirting with one woman at a time. Even if someone seems perfect on paper, you have no idea how well you’re going to work out in person… Even two or three dates isn’t enough to preclude things not working out.
It’s a way of saying “I know you’re probably not going to write back to me, so please notice me noticing you and do the hard work for me…” If you’re interested in them, send an email already!